Saturday, 28 April 2012
Friday, 27 April 2012
stress management. best troll Interview
One mind blowing interview
Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I ...am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology.
Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is – due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap’) – “I can not invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said – “I will never waste so much of money on you”). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name – BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it ? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot.. I think they should ban it .
Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it . In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.
Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’ education it self was so much of pain!!
Interviewer : Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platforms. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense – C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up w it h a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it . But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is – most of the times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Info Tech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important – I know few words like – ‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hot fixes’, ‘SEI-CMM’, ‘quality’, ‘version control’, ‘deadlines’ , ‘Customer Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand..
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress Code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignme
nts. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there are Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don’t mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer : he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.
The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’ in the HRD of Infosys.
So Excellence is not the only thing Needed. Its the Unique Quality of a Person which can let anyone to Success. Work on Your own Field rather then following somebody else's Path
Share this Story with your Friends and Inspire People ♥♥♥
Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I ...am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology.
Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is – due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap’) – “I can not invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said – “I will never waste so much of money on you”). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name – BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it ? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot.. I think they should ban it .
Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it . In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.
Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’ education it self was so much of pain!!
Interviewer : Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platforms. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense – C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up w it h a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it . But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is – most of the times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Info Tech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important – I know few words like – ‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hot fixes’, ‘SEI-CMM’, ‘quality’, ‘version control’, ‘deadlines’ , ‘Customer Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand..
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress Code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignme
Interviewer : he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.
The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’ in the HRD of Infosys.
So Excellence is not the only thing Needed. Its the Unique Quality of a Person which can let anyone to Success. Work on Your own Field rather then following somebody else's Path
Share this Story with your Friends and Inspire People ♥♥♥
Troll Frog
Ornate Horned Frog,The ornate horned frog can grow up to six inches long and inhabits Uruguay, Brazil, and northern Argentina. While it may look like a lifeless pincushion, it's quick to lunge when lizards, small rodents, birds, or other frogs blunder by.
Monday, 23 April 2012
Troll kid
A well dressed business man was
walking down the street when a
little kid covered in soot said to
him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell
me the time?" The portly man
stopped, carefully unbuttoned his
coat and jacket, removed a large
watch from a vest pocket, looked
at it and said, "It is a quarter to
three, young man." "Thanks,"
said the boy. "At exactly three
o'clock you can kiss my ass." With
that, the kid took off running,
and with an angry cry, the
outraged businessman started
chasing him. He had not been
running long when an old friend
stopped him. "Why are you
running like this at your age?"
asked the friend. Gasping and
almost incoherent with fury, the
business man said, "That little
brat asked me the time and
when I told him it was quarter to
three he told me that at exactly
three, I should kiss his ass!" "So
what's your hurry," said the
friend. "You still have ten
minutes."
walking down the street when a
little kid covered in soot said to
him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell
me the time?" The portly man
stopped, carefully unbuttoned his
coat and jacket, removed a large
watch from a vest pocket, looked
at it and said, "It is a quarter to
three, young man." "Thanks,"
said the boy. "At exactly three
o'clock you can kiss my ass." With
that, the kid took off running,
and with an angry cry, the
outraged businessman started
chasing him. He had not been
running long when an old friend
stopped him. "Why are you
running like this at your age?"
asked the friend. Gasping and
almost incoherent with fury, the
business man said, "That little
brat asked me the time and
when I told him it was quarter to
three he told me that at exactly
three, I should kiss his ass!" "So
what's your hurry," said the
friend. "You still have ten
minutes."
Troll Clock works like a charm
While proudly showing off his
new apartment to friends, a
college student led the way into
the den. "What is the big brass
gong and hammer for?" one of
his friends asked. "That is the
talking clock," the man replied.
"How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and
proceeded to give the gong an
ear shattering pound with the
hammer. Suddenly, someone
screamed from the other side of
the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot!
It's two o'clock in the morning!"
new apartment to friends, a
college student led the way into
the den. "What is the big brass
gong and hammer for?" one of
his friends asked. "That is the
talking clock," the man replied.
"How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and
proceeded to give the gong an
ear shattering pound with the
hammer. Suddenly, someone
screamed from the other side of
the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot!
It's two o'clock in the morning!"
SMARTEST TROLL
A man walks into a bar and asks
the bartender, "If I show you a
really good trick, will you give me
a free drink?" The bartender
considers it, then agrees. The
man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches
into his other pocket and pulls
out a tiny piano. The rat
stretches, cracks his knuckles,
and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink,
he asked the bartender, "If I
show you an even better trick,
will you give me free drinks for
the rest of the evening?" The
bartender agrees, thinking that
no trick could possibly be better
than the first. The man reaches
into his pocket and pulls out a
tiny rat. He reaches into his other
pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his
knuckles, and proceeds to play
the blues. The man reaches into
another pocket and pulls out a
small bullfrog, who begins to
sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his
beverages, a stranger confronts
him and offers him $100,000.00
for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man
replies, "he's not for sale." The
stranger increases the offer to
$250,000.00 cash up front. "No,"
he insists, "he's not for sale." The
stranger again increases the
offer, this time to $500,000.00
cash. The man finally agrees, and
turns the frog over to the
stranger in exchange for the
money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender
demanded. "That frog could have
been worth millions to you, and
you let him go for a mere
$500,000!" "Don't worry about
it." the man answered. "The frog
was really nothing special. You
see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
the bartender, "If I show you a
really good trick, will you give me
a free drink?" The bartender
considers it, then agrees. The
man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches
into his other pocket and pulls
out a tiny piano. The rat
stretches, cracks his knuckles,
and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink,
he asked the bartender, "If I
show you an even better trick,
will you give me free drinks for
the rest of the evening?" The
bartender agrees, thinking that
no trick could possibly be better
than the first. The man reaches
into his pocket and pulls out a
tiny rat. He reaches into his other
pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his
knuckles, and proceeds to play
the blues. The man reaches into
another pocket and pulls out a
small bullfrog, who begins to
sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his
beverages, a stranger confronts
him and offers him $100,000.00
for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man
replies, "he's not for sale." The
stranger increases the offer to
$250,000.00 cash up front. "No,"
he insists, "he's not for sale." The
stranger again increases the
offer, this time to $500,000.00
cash. The man finally agrees, and
turns the frog over to the
stranger in exchange for the
money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender
demanded. "That frog could have
been worth millions to you, and
you let him go for a mere
$500,000!" "Don't worry about
it." the man answered. "The frog
was really nothing special. You
see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
Scary Story Read and laugh at your own risk
A man hasn't been feeling well,
so he goes to his doctor for a
complete check-up. Afterward,
the doctor comes out with the
results. "I'm afraid I have some
very bad news," the doctor says.
"You're dying, and you don't
have much time left." "Oh, that's
terrible!" says the man. "How
long have I got?" "Ten," the
doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man
asks. "Ten what? Months?
Weeks? What?!" The doctor
interrupts, "Nine..."
so he goes to his doctor for a
complete check-up. Afterward,
the doctor comes out with the
results. "I'm afraid I have some
very bad news," the doctor says.
"You're dying, and you don't
have much time left." "Oh, that's
terrible!" says the man. "How
long have I got?" "Ten," the
doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man
asks. "Ten what? Months?
Weeks? What?!" The doctor
interrupts, "Nine..."
Magical Slide Be careful you may get what you wish
3 men went to a Theme Park and they get told that there is a Magical water slide and when they slide down it they have to say 1 word and they will land in a 1 Ton of it when they come of the water slide so they all decide to pay 3 Dollars to have a go on the Magical water slide so the first man goes down and Yells out "Silver" and Lands in 1 Ton of Silver Then the second man goes down and Yells "GOLD" and Lands in a pot of Gold so the third man thinks why not and he goes down but he got so excited Because he had so much fun and yelled "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Eww Gross ROFL making of hamburger
A man walks into a hamburger
shop and orders a regular meal.
Later, the waitress brings his
meal to him. He takes a bite out
of it, and notices there's a small
hair in the hamburger. He begins
yelling frantically at the waitress,
"Waitress, there's a hair in my
hamburger! I demand to see
what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back
where the cook is and to his
demise, he sees the cook take
the meat patty and flatten it
under his arm pit. He says,
"That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You
think that's disgusting you
should see him make donuts."
shop and orders a regular meal.
Later, the waitress brings his
meal to him. He takes a bite out
of it, and notices there's a small
hair in the hamburger. He begins
yelling frantically at the waitress,
"Waitress, there's a hair in my
hamburger! I demand to see
what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back
where the cook is and to his
demise, he sees the cook take
the meat patty and flatten it
under his arm pit. He says,
"That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You
think that's disgusting you
should see him make donuts."
Troll Wife
This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn`t wait to go out into town and party, so he says to his new wife:
Honey, I`ll be right back...
Where are you going coochi cooh...? asks the wife.
I`m going to the bar, pretty face. I`m going to have a beer.
The wife puts her hands on her hips andsays to him: You wanta beer my love...? Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc....
The husband doesn`t know what to do, andthe only thing that he can think of saying is: Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar... you know... the frozen glass.
He didn`t get to finishsaying the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying: You want a frozen glass puppy face...? She takes out of the freezer a huge beer mug so frozen that the wife was getting the chills fromholding it.
The husband looking a bit pale says: Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hoer`s de devours that are really delicious... I won`t be long. I`ll be right back.I promise. OK?
You want hoer`s de devours poochi pooh..? She opens the oven and takes out 15dishes of different hoer`s de devours... chicken wings, pigs inthe blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc...
But sweet honey... at the bar... you know... the swearing, the dirty words and all that...
You want dirty words cutie pie...?
HERE, DRINK YOUR F***ING BEER IN YOUR F***ING FROZEN GLASSAND EAT YOUR F***ING HOER`S DE VOURS, BECAUSE YOU AREN`T GOING ANYWHERE. YOU F***ING ASSHOLE!!!..
Honey, I`ll be right back...
Where are you going coochi cooh...? asks the wife.
I`m going to the bar, pretty face. I`m going to have a beer.
The wife puts her hands on her hips andsays to him: You wanta beer my love...? Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc....
The husband doesn`t know what to do, andthe only thing that he can think of saying is: Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar... you know... the frozen glass.
He didn`t get to finishsaying the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying: You want a frozen glass puppy face...? She takes out of the freezer a huge beer mug so frozen that the wife was getting the chills fromholding it.
The husband looking a bit pale says: Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hoer`s de devours that are really delicious... I won`t be long. I`ll be right back.I promise. OK?
You want hoer`s de devours poochi pooh..? She opens the oven and takes out 15dishes of different hoer`s de devours... chicken wings, pigs inthe blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc...
But sweet honey... at the bar... you know... the swearing, the dirty words and all that...
You want dirty words cutie pie...?
HERE, DRINK YOUR F***ING BEER IN YOUR F***ING FROZEN GLASSAND EAT YOUR F***ING HOER`S DE VOURS, BECAUSE YOU AREN`T GOING ANYWHERE. YOU F***ING ASSHOLE!!!..
Couple together
A couple drove down a country
road for several miles, not saying
a word. An earlier discussion had
led to an argument and neither
of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a
barnyard of mules, goats, and
pigs,the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of
yours?""Yep," the wife replied,
"in-laws
road for several miles, not saying
a word. An earlier discussion had
led to an argument and neither
of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a
barnyard of mules, goats, and
pigs,the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of
yours?""Yep," the wife replied,
"in-laws
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